Healing resources strengthen personal boundaries

This article was originally published in Summer 2018 Timbrel, “Empowering Women: Claiming Healthy Personal Boundaries.”

Sister Care seminars have consistently recommended and often provided several resources to help deepen women’s capacity to set clear personal boundaries as part of self-care. Two of these resources are available free of charge from Mennonite Central Committee (MCC):  Created Equal: Women and Men in the Image of God by Linda Gehman Peachey and “Home shouldn’t be a place that hurts” brochure. The third is Carolyn Holderread Heggen’s book: Sexual Abuse in Christian Homes and Churches.

These resources provide information about domestic violence and sexual abuse, and new ways to understand biblical teachings regarding women and men. It is significant that all three were written by Mennonite women, and the personal stories in Heggen’s book are all from Mennonites whose abuse happened in the context of Christian homes and churches. The book states that sexual abuse can involve verbal, visual, and psychological contact as well
as physical contact. The information in these resources enables women to realize the scope of abuse.  This awareness contributes to healing and setting limits.

“Created Equal” addresses scriptures that have often been interpreted to give greater power to men than women. How women understand biblical teachings on equality, submission, and suffering makes a difference in their ability to resist abusive behaviors. As it says in the unit titled. “I am God’s beloved daughter” in the Sister Care manual, “Any religious teaching that isn’t Good News for women and children and those with the least power in our community is not teaching the truth that Jesus came to bring.”

At each Sister Care seminar, each participant receives the “Home shouldn’t be a place that hurts” brochure. Internationally, when language is a barrier, a few leaders receive the brochure so  that they can adapt the information for their context. Participants are encouraged to place these brochures in a bathroom so women can pick them up privately.

Last summer I received an email from Linda Herr, MCC’s Training Development coordinator in Akron, Pennsylvania.  She had received a call from a woman, who, while at a garage sale, went to a nearby church for a restroom and found a “Home shouldn’t be a place that hurts” brochure. She called MCC asking for help, and I was able to recommend local resources that Linda communicated to her.  I have often wondered if those brochures were placed there following a Sister Care seminar.

Knowledge gives power. Let’s continue to share resources to strengthen our ability to set personal boundaries.

#DoneWishing

This article by Marlene Bogard was originally published in Summer 2018 Timbrel. Marlene will conclude her time with Mennonite Women USA July 31, 2018.

I wish I had known about personal boundaries as a young girl. I wish I had constructed my own space bubble. I wish I had been coached on my Circle of Grace. I wish…

As a second grader, my head was pushed against the rough brick wall of our school. Howard mushed his face into me and pressed his lips against mine. I was a skinny seven- year-old and this incident happened on the playground during recess.  It was not OK. A classmate of mine had decided to kiss me, forcefully.  Not OK. I do not remember reporting to my teacher or my mother. Perhaps I did.

Today I wonder, what would your daughters or nieces or granddaughters do or say if that happened to them? Would they be sufficiently trained and empowered to push away, to yell no, and to report the assault?

In almost every decade of my life, I have experienced harassment, inappropriate touch, unwanted sexualized language and jokes. #youtoo?

When the #metoo movement became prominent, I decided to  recite all the ways  I experienced harassment while my husband and I were on a road trip. I began with the recess incident and carried on to the present. At various points in my monologue, he exclaimed, “Really?” and “Wow!” and then, “There’s more?”

“Yes, “I nodded, “All true.”

And I am not alone. I have minimized or shaken off some of these instances over the years, even chalking them up to my clothing selection or my vivacious personality. I have even said the dreaded, “Boys will be boys, and men will be men.” I am done with that kind of reasoning. It was never my fault. I did not ask for it.  I may have not known how to respond, but I will not bear the responsibility of men and boys acting inappropriately.

I wish I had known about personal boundaries as a teenager. The language of boundaries, of  sense of self, of empowerment was absent. No one (church, parent, school) offered advice or guidelines or about dating, about touch, about sexual activity.  Some things were communicated as taboo, but other than a little information about getting my period, there was a huge void. What did I do to fill that void? Act on impulse, surrender to those more powerful, get caught off guard, be driven by some vague notion of morality?

More than you wanted to know? Too much information? I would wager a guess that most of you reading this have had similar or worse experiences while you were growing up.

Recently, our four-year-old grandson proclaimed, “I have a space bubble around me!” His dad explained how his preschool is teaching about a safety zone around each child. With pleasure, I quickly jumped up and invited him to do the Circle of Grace meditation and motions with me.

Circle of Grace is a Christian safe environment curriculum that helps to form and educate children and youth about the value of positive relationships with God and others.

I will be retiring from my position at the end of July. But not before I help lead an event that is designed to help girls and women understand and claim personal boundaries. Because I am #donewishing and we are now proactively empowering girls and women to understand, claim and proclaim their own personal boundaries. I hope to see you at: Empowering Women: Claiming Healthy Personal Boundaries.

Want to register for our summer event, Empowering Women: Claiming Healthy Personal Boundaries? Click here for more information!

Whoops!

During some website maintenance this evening, a post from April 2013, “The Governance Structure of Mennonite Women USA Adopted February 27, 2002 (last updated April 2013”, was accidentally republished and sent to all of our lovely Mennonite Women USA subscribers. We are sorry for the inconvenience!

Planting Seeds by Shannon Unzicker

Shannon Musselman Unzicker, Benson, Illinois, is an active member of the Mennonite Church of Normal where she serves as a cluster group leader along with her husband, Keith. She teaches a primary Sunday school class and participates in the local Moms in Touch. Shannon is employed as a librarian at Roanoke-Benson Junior High School and is the mother of four children. She serves as the Great Lakes regional representative on the MW USA board.

As I’m writing this post,  I’m enjoying the changes that the season of summer brings. For the last ten years on Memorial Day, our family has attended a summer kick-off event at Menno Haven Camp In Tiskilwa, IL. It is a time to meet the summer staff and learn about what is planned for coming weeks. There is singing, prayers of thanks for God’s faithfulness in years past, and the anticipation of what lies ahead. I’ve heard it said that part of the ministry of a Christian camp is to “plant seeds” in the hearts of those who attend—seeds that grow a desire to learn more about Jesus and what it means to follow him.
There is much similarity in the work of MW USA. Through our publications and social media, we offer stories of how women have been and continue to be hands and feet of Jesus.  Our Sister Care ministry seeks to plant seeds of growth and healing in the hearts of the women who attend each seminar.  Mennonite women continue to plant seeds of God’s love and hope in the hearts of those nearby and far away—even those they will never meet—through the ministries of MW USA. For this we are grateful and thankful, and we pray that these many seeds will continue to grow and advance God’s kingdom here on earth.

 

Sharing the Joy by Kate Mast

Kate Mast is the Workroom Supervisor in the Material Resource Center for MCC-Central States and lives in Hesston, Kansas.

A “charming” hallmark of my personality is that when something excites me or makes me happy, I want everyone else around me to also love it! I naturally become a salesperson for whatever brings me joy. Over the past few months, I have tried to convince my friends to try a Zumba class, claim their free trial of Spotify Premium, buy the “hot and spicy” version of Cheez-Its (so much better than regular, in my opinion!), and watch the “Yodeling Walmart Boy” video on YouTube. As much as my friends might roll their eyes, there is something to be said for sharing what brings us joy and satisfaction, even if some of these things are more trivial than others. So, if you have talked to me in the past year or so, you probably already know that a newfound joy in my life is comforter making, specifically comforters for Mennonite Central Committee!

MCC sends comforters to overseas partners working with vulnerable populations, such as refugees, displaced persons, and people affected by natural disasters. Before starting my role as the Workroom Supervisor in the Material Resource Center for MCC-Central States, I was only vaguely familiar with what went into making a comforter. However, on my first day of work at MCC, I was introduced to a wonderful group of volunteers with a contagious passion. They carefully showed me the many steps in the process: matching fabrics, cutting squares, measuring, piecing, pressing, sewing, pinning, knotting, trimming, and binding… and reassured me that there are many steps that even beginners can do! I have always been attracted to colors, textures, patterns, and creating with my hands, so I was immediately drawn to the process. I’ve now been working at MCC for almost two years, and I can honestly say that working with comforters is my favorite part of my job! I jump at the chance to host or attend comforter-making events, I love to unfold every comforter that is donated and admire the patterns, colors, and creativity. I’ve learned so much from the act of creating beautiful things together, and so much from the volunteers who give their time, talents, finances, and efforts for this cause.

One of the most poignant lessons I’ve learned is that “comforters for relief don’t have to be ugly”—a direct quote from a talented and dedicated comforter maker in Illinois. Although the idea that a gift shouldn’t be ugly is not revolutionary, it is a statement that initiates a shift of mindset. Often times, our instinct is to keep what is beautiful for ourselves, and use what is leftover for others. However, this quote is a challenge to use our best—either using the beautiful fabric from your stash that you’ve been saving for an unspecified project, or being creative in pairing leftover fabric with complimentary fabric to make it look attractive. When MCC is able to send beautiful and well-made comforters to our overseas partners, it sends a message of dignity and humanity to the recipients. I love to observe the intentionality and quality of comforters that volunteers are continuing to create, some simple, some with hundreds of seams. Donated comforters can be so much more than mere constructions of materials that will keep someone warm or “be better than nothing”—they can be works of art; well thought out gifts of love for brothers and sisters around the world.

Another beautiful thing I have observed is the natural community that is formed around comforter making. Last week, a donor brought 12 completed comforters she had made in her home to donate to MCC. The volunteers in the workroom all gathered around the table and opened up each of the comforters, oohing and awwing, touching and feeling the fabrics and creative patterns. A few were even taking pictures of design ideas to be replicated. There was an instant connection between everyone around the table­—over the love of fabrics, the eye for design, and the care put into these gifts. Oftentimes, a comforter will be worked on by at least 5–6 different people before it is complete. It takes many hands, many ages, many different skill levels. Week after week, comforter-making groups find joy in working and creating together for the good of people they will never meet. There is something so satisfying about finishing a comforter… I’m telling you, it is contagious!

As I work with volunteers who are making and donating comforters, they often dream out loud about what they think might happen to their creation. Where will this comforter end up? Will it keep a person or family warm, or will it go to a hot climate? Perhaps be used as a mattress or a curtain or a wall divider? Will kids play “I-Spy” with this scrappy design? Will they be able to tell that a group of 5th graders tied this one? Will this bright design make them smile? Will they know that I prayed for them as I pieced it together? It is all part of the intrigue of making comforters for relief.

In my job, I often hear stories about the creation of the comforter. But, the truth is, the maker will never know what happens to the comforter once it is donated. It could be loved and cherished, it could be muddied and destroyed, it could be re-gifted, it could cover someone who is dying, or swaddle someone who was just born… the comforter will go on to have a story of it’s own that we will never know, and I think there is beauty in that mystery!

Now, it wouldn’t be like me to share all of these musings on comforter making without also inviting you to join in the fun! Last year, MCC sent 51,062 comforters to seven countries, including Jordan, Syria, Bosnia, and Haiti, and continues to receive requests for more. For instructions and MCC approved guidelines, you can visit www.mcc.org/comforters, or reach out to your local MCC Material Resource Center. If you have made a comforter you are particularly proud of, or have a comforter-related story to share, I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to reach out to me at katemast@mcc.org. Happy comforter making!

Worshiping Together Daily by Denise Nickel

Denise is a member of Tabor Mennonite Church in Newton, Kansas. She is active with the worship team, children’s ministries, deacon and women’s Group. She is secretary to the principal of Goessel Elementary School. She and her husband, Elton have three children and seven grandchildren.

My husband and I are in a small group of six couples at our church, Tabor Mennonite, rural Newton, KS. In early January 2018, one of our small group friends called and said their Christmas season had been one with an unexpected turn of events. Our small group had not been in regular communication with one of the couples, Rosie and Kent, because Rosie is also our pastor and she was on sabbatical. When she called the rest of us in January, we discovered that instead of spending time reaching her sabbatical goals, she accompanied her husband to doctor appointments. They had both gone for annual checkups in December but were told to come back in early January when they received devastating news that Kent’s tests proved positive for prostate cancer. They were told that the cancer was treatable but not curable. We were all shocked and overwhelmed, but God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

What could we do to show our love? Our group immediately kicked into action and fixed a meal and gathered as a group to share their burden.

What else could we do? How could we practice Sister Care? Lois, our member who enjoys quilting, started percolating an idea. We would give them something of ourselves that would be a constant reminder that we are praying for them and that they would never leave our thoughts and prayers. It would be something special for these friends to show them that we are walking the difficult road with them. Lois had made a Cancer Quilt for another friend a couple of years earlier so her wheels were already turning.

Lois asked all of us, including Kent and Rosie, to send her our favorite colors and hobbies or interests. The next thing she did was gather fabrics that symbolized all of these things. She also purchased fabric phrases that said “What Cancer Cannot Do”. She included light blue because she discovered when making her first Cancer Quilt that different types of cancers use different colors. Prostrate cancer is light blue. With fabrics surrounding the “cancer” fabrics of farming, mechanics, estate sales, gardening, reading, going for coffee, sewing and steam engines, we hoped this would serve as a symbol of us surrounding them with love and prayers.   We added red and blue cancer ribbons to represent hope, and balanced that out with Kent’s Kansas University Jayhawks and farming and the inspirational fabric as we need the Lord’s presence to walk with us. On February 17, the ladies met to sew the top, Lois quilted it, and the ladies got together to finish the binding on February 27. Lois wrote a poem (of which some phrases I have use in this blog), and we met our deadline. Before the stitching had time to cool off we presented the quilt to Kent and Rosie on March 4, 2018.

Kent and Rosie continue with their journey of cancer shots and chemo pills and we trust that God’s presence is upon them as friends carry them with prayers. One of Rosie’s favorite verses is Prov. 3:4-5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Believing in this verse is providing some hidden blessings amidst their walk with cancer.

 

Balancing Technology Use

Hear from Madalyn Metzger, Amy Gingerich, and Melody M. Pannell on faith and technology in our Three Women, Three Windows Timbrel column.

How do you use technology in your work? How do you use technology in your personal life? Are there any perceivable differences?

Metzger: In both my personal and professional life, I use technology to access and share information. The primary difference would be the type of information. Professionally, I use it for information related to Everence, marketing, financial services, and the various denominations that Everence relates to. Personally, I use it for social reasons and to receive news about current events.

Gingerich: My coworkers and I are constantly connected digitally, if not in person. With our staff spread out in different locations, we connect throughout the day on various electronic platforms and try to utilize video connections as much as possible. In my personal life, I try to limit how much I use my phone or social media. As a parent, I do not want my kids to see me on my phone checking Facebook or email, so I try to keep it to a minimum when my children are awake.

Pannell: As an educator, I use technology for email correspondence, learning management systems, shared documents, video conference meetings and educational webinars. In my personal life, I use social media for  “self-help” education, entertainment, communication with friends and family and engaging in hobbies. At work, my focus is more external as I communicate with and give my attention to others. In my personal life, I use social media in solitude and my focus is more internal.

How does technology affect your faith formation?

Metzger:  Technology gives me access to discussions and ideas around faith that I may not have been part of on a regular basis without it. But, it’s also easy to participate only in discussions about faith that I agree with, which has the potential to stifle faith formation, rather than grow it.

Gingerich: About 15 years ago when people started to subscribe via email to daily devotionals or inspirational thoughts, everyone thought it was great. But I sense that this era has waned. In terms of personal spiritual development, people are going back to print – whether physical Bibles or printed devotionals. There’s something about holding printed words in my hands that lets me engage more deeply than the skimming I would do if I were reading on my phone. Technology provides instant accessibility, which is not always helpful to me in my faith formation.

Pannell: Technology gives me access to “toolkits” to assess my spiritual growth, provides me with  avenues to engage in mentorship and creates platforms in which I can share my faith journey with others. I see these connections and resources as positive influences on my faith formation.

How does technology connect us as a church? How does it distract us?

Metzger: I think technology serves an important role in connecting us as a body of Christ. It gives us the ability to touch parts of the church that we may not be as naturally connected with (geographically, theologically, racially, ethnically, economically, etc.), which I believe is an important way for us to grow and learn as the body of Christ together. On the other hand, technology can distract us. It’s too easy to jump on the bandwagon when someone posts something, rather than enter into a thoughtful discernment about a topic. It’s also too easy for us to stay in our own theological bubbles, and only interact with others who think the same theologically as we do.

Gingerich: Technology can make us feel connected to others in our congregations but I sometimes wonder if we feel more connected than we actually are. Am I really getting to know someone in my congregation and taking time to engage with them or am I getting to know their Facebook or Instagram profile?

Pannell: Technology has  the potential to connect us as a church in meaningful ways. With the use of technology as a “strategic tool” for church growth and congregational engagement, church leaders can use apps with the intention of encouraging enthusiastic giving, expanding audience participation and creating exciting visual examples of Christian Discipleship and Faith Formation. If utilized in a positive manner, engaging in an online church community creates safe and brave spaces where people can continue and embrace conversations about the challenges and joys of faith formation and com-munity outside of the walls of the church or a set schedule of sanctioned services. However, the power of technology with-in the church can definitely distract us from prioritizing face-to-face relationships and communication skills. Technology lends itself to easily enabling us to form a false sense of connection with one another. When social media, email or online church services take the place of authentic, accountable faith formation with a body of believers, we may be settling for an easy distraction from the process of wrestling with what it means to be in relationship with Christ and the ebb and flow of growing towards spiritual maturity.

This article was originally published in the Spring 2018 issue of Timbrel, Faith Formation in the Digital Age. To subscribe to Timbrel, click here.

Carrying our message internationally

Rhoda Keener is the Sister Care director for Mennonite Women USA and a former MW USA executive director. She lives in Shippensburg, Pennsylvania with her husband Bob. Rhoda is the co-editor of She Has Done a Good Thing: Mennonite Women Leaders Tell Their Stories.

I remember receiving an email from Jana Oesch in 2010 asking me to speak at a women’s retreat in Idaho. I wrote back saying, “The speaking I am doing right now is Sister Care. Would you like to host a Sister Care seminar?” A year later Carolyn Heggen and I led our first seminar together in Caldwell, Idaho. One email can change so much.

I am often amazed as I work from my home in Shippensburg, Pennsylvania, that I am communicating with people all over the world. I can correspond via email with Elisabeth Kunjam in India, Milka Rindzinski in Uruguay, Sun Ju Moon in South Korea, Pamela Obonde in Kenya, or Tran Diep in Vietnam.  Without the Internet, I don’t know how Sister Care International could exist and grow.

The Latin American Sister Care seminars began through Carolyn Heggen’s personal friendship with Olga Piedrasanta, an instructor at SEMILLA, and then continued with assistance from Linda Shelly of Mennonite Mission Network. Linda’s relationships with the women leaders in Central and South America enabled her to guide the planning of another nine seminars.

When Carolyn and I arrived in Havana in late January of 2018, our host, Midiam Lobaina from the Cuban Council of Churches, asked if we needed a projector and screen for our presentations. When we said, “No, we are quite low tech,” she breathed a sigh of relief. It is the photos that we share on Facebook and other social media platforms that connect the Sister Care ministries around the world.

After teaching an Enrichment seminar in Bogota last spring attended by women from five countries, I received an email from Linda Shelly sharing what women in Rumococha, Peru are doing with the Sister Care material.  Cielo Arguelo attended the Bogota seminar; then taught women and children in Rumococha that they are beloved daughters of God by creating a motto that says, “Soy una mujer amada por Dios” or “I am a beloved woman of God”.

A ministry is only as strong as the love and trust that form its base. Much can be built and sustained with long distance electronic communication, but there is no substitute for face-to-face conversations and time together.

Whatever form of communication we use, what remains important is that we know and believe we are beloved daughters of God.

This article originally appeared in the Spring 2018 issue of Timbrel, Faith Formation in the Digital Age. To subscribe to Timbrel, click here.

24/7/365

Marlene Harder Bogard is the Executive Director of Mennonite Women USA. She will retire in July 2018. Previously, she served as Minister of Christian Formation and Resource Library Director for the Western District Conference of Mennonite Church USA for 25 years while living in Newton, Kansas. Marlene cares deeply about Christian faith formation in all stages of life and is drawn to help folks develop ways of  connecting with God in creative and meaningful ways. Her background includes serving on the Dove’s Nest board, Spiritual Director training, and teaching youth ministry at Bethel College in North Newton, Kansas.

If you are holding Timbrel in your hands as you read this – congratulations, you enjoy reading on paper! If you are reading this on your phone or computer, thank you, you discovered it on our blog.

For the past 100 years, Mennonite Women has depended on printed materials to share our mission. Our history includes hand-written letters, newspaper articles, phone calls, paper mass mailings, events and magazines. As little as five years ago, our magazine, Timbrel was still considered our primary voice. Today, our social media networks are equally important – to network, share ministry highlights, promote coming events and draw attention to women’s visionary voices. Print was once prominent; now we have many channels through which we stay connected and strong. The times they are a-changing, and MW USA has to be continually on the lookout for ways of reimagining its witness in this digital age.

24/7/365  If you, like most people, have a smartphone, these numbers represent how often you have access to the Internet. Any hour of the day, any day of the week and any week of the year, we can be connected.
1,896  This is how many clicks MW USA received on our Centennial Resources web pages in the last year. Almost 2,000 people read a prayer or story, watched a video, downloaded art or graphics or used a drama.  Because we posted these resources online, anyone could access them with a computer 24/7/365. None of them were available in print form. It would have cost a fortune to print them and mail them.  Posting the resources on our website was a viable way to make them available.
3,420  This is how many people subscribe to Grapevine, our monthly newsletter. Out of 3,420 subscribers, 1,240 recipients open our newsletters within the first 24 hours of receiving it. Grapevine is not available in print, but you can print it yourself, or you can forward this newsletter to anyone or use any pieces for your social media posts, newsletters for your women’s group or congregation. We always need your help to share our resources.
6,437  One week in February, we reached this many Facebook users through posts about our summer event, Empowering Women: Claiming Healthy Personal Boundaries. This number reaches far beyond the scope of Timbrel.
258 And finally – the Blog:  Mennonite Women Voices.  The idea behind a blog is to post a story, encouragement or testimony that will serve as inspiration for other readers.  The majority of the blogs published on our website do not have another home and are not available in print. We republish blog posts with permission from other organizations. Once in a while we will re-publish an article from Timbrel as a blog. These processes are a way of optimizing content, a way to push around news and inspiration from one place to another, and it is only possible through digital technology and social media.

Every day, my work is dependent upon technology. MW USA has staff in four states and three time zones.  We meet monthly over a video platform. Almost all of my meetings with planning groups and board members take place in this way. Indeed, it is a way of working that many of us could not imagine even 10 years ago, and a fantastic blessing.